Matthew 26

Mat 26:21 And as they ate, He said, Truly I say to you that one of you will betray Me.
Mat 26:22 And grieving sorrowfully, they began to say, each one of them, Lord, not I am the one?

I'm starting to appreciate the disciples more and more.
They don't even question the fact that one of them will betray him,
instead, "each one of them" wonders if he will be the betrayer.
I would think after all this time they would be confident, assured, ready to carry the torch.
but they don't seem like it to me.

To an outsider like me, it looks things are beginning to unravel.
(and I don't mean that in a bad way.)

What I mean is, to someone like me who is looking BACK at history,
I can see the whole picture and how the pieces fit together.
I know the eventual triumph of the resurrected Lord.
So in this bad time I can kind of grit my teeth
and squint my eyes,
and wait for the painful part to be over with.
Its only temporary, right?

But in this weekly reading plan,
I have tried to ignore what I think I already know about Jesus,
and just take it as it is presented in the gospel of Matthew,
and try to put myself in the shoes of someone who was there at the time.
like someone who didn't know how it would turn out.

That's what makes this week's reading difficult for me.

Jesus has predicted his death over and over to those disciples,
but if it were me (if I were one of the disciples)
until it all really started happening,
I don't think I could have imagined it.
Once all the bad stuff started,
I would have been so confused, so despairing.

Anyone who could do all those miracles,
and heal,
and teach,
and be such a great person to follow around,
could [i]surely[/i] avoid going out like this.

Mat 26:67 Then they spat in His face and beat Him with the fist. And others struck Him with the palms of their hands,

Why is He allowing this to happen?
I thought he was the promised one!
Surely this can't be part of the plan!
Why doesn't somebody DO something?

(not me of course!
I'm quivering in a corner somewhere,
denying my part in it, now that I see it all dissolving)

I don't like this.
I am SO weak...